Monday, May 10, 2010

9 miles, graduation, new life...

It's time to leave behind college, and push onward toward my new adult life.

I graduated on Saturday, I was so happy and so very proud of myself :) But now that I'm packing up my things to move tomorrow, I'm feeling remorseful. I don't want to leave behind the happy life I have created for myself here. I adore my roommate, I love where I live, I love my friends, and I love the routine and safety of college. I'm good at college. I think a bit of these feelings are steaming from the fact that I am moving back in with my parents while my roommate builds her new house. Once it is built I am able to move back in with her, however - it may not work out with the house building. And therefore I will be left stuck at my parents until I find a new place. I'm very scared that this will happen. I also am nervous to be starting a new real job. Excited for the pay checks, but nervous. This is a new thing for me, it will challenge me, and it will change me for the better. One thing that won't change is my friends. They will still be there, and that keeps me strong. Goodbye old life, hello new life.




I did a 9 mile run today, 106 minutes. 1 hour, and 46 minutes. It felt bitter sweet. I was glad I pushed myself to 9, but unhappy still that I couldn't have done more, that my body isn't the way I want it. Why am I having these feelings that whatever I do is not good enough. I just ran 9 miles and I don't feel amazing. Something is going on with my self image.

I've been dating around, and it's not making me happy. I feel like I'm not into anyone that I've met, and that I'm wasting my time because I have no desire to be in a relationship right now. I watch a commercial on tv about a happily married couple and think, wow - I cant' imagine spending that much time with someone right now.

What is going on with me. Poor self image, lack of boy craziness. Hopefully after I move and things settle in I will return back to my old self. Or, maybe this is just a new self starting to emerge...

Also, I hit a deer yesterday with my car. It was shocking. The worst part was watching it fly over my car and writhe in pain on the road behind me. I felt so bad for this poor deer. We went back to shoot it, but it had walked away - thank god. I just hope it's okay, and won't die a slow death from internal bleeding or something. I got a massive dent in my car, but that's all. It'll stay that way too, because I don't have the money to fix cosmetic things about my car. Such is life. I'm glad I reacted the way I did and drove straight through it versus ending up in the ditch. Poor deer :(

Last weekend I got to be a model in a vintage fashion show at my mom's church's tea party. It was neat. I felt kind of awesome that I could fit into the tiny clothes that no one else could :) Here's my 80's look:

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